So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
