no, he came in my armpit
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
