She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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