just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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