he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
