Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
People in love make me want to vomit
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
