Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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