yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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