Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We're too hungover to prance.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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