This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
