If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize