All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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