we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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