I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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