were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
