You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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