I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
