Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
They have beer where we have blood.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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