If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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