Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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