So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
