I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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