All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Where is the hickey?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
