I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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