When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize