3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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