hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
