I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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