with your own penis?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
