Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
