Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
