You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
