She tied me up with her honor cords...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
