What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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