Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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