tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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