Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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