I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
