so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
