I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
