I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
