She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
