STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
