Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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