The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Mom said you looked used
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
