it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
