I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
