I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
