bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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