he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
