Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
