at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
