Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
