I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
