Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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