Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
