So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Who died my cat blue again?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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