don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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