Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize