i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
