Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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