soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
