I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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