you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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